longing.....
- abeadle
- Jun 12
- 2 min read
Updated: 14 minutes ago
i'’m doing it all wrong
this rebirth story
arent i ?
.
i’m crying out for you
in green longing
.
consuming my energy
seeping into my mind
eating it’s way through body
biting it’s way
into green flesh
here i am
again
.
before stepping foot
on african soil
i call you
again
.
chasing you
asking… do you desire me.
as I desire you..
.
look within, angie
calm the desire
from within you
.
how...
screams the wild one
crashing against every wave
of natural instinct,
i have left
.
others have found this peace
why not we?
.
but, alas, no!
.
i say goodbye
again
.
my entire being screaming
not you / not again
.
again and again
and again..
.
i feel like i want to hurt you
as you hurt me
but i know i don't
.
i want to love you
i want to cherish you
but i can’t?
.
during puberty
you highjacked my thoughts
and, during menopause
you return
..so comfortable is your home there…
.
are the hormones encoded with your name to?
.
they tell me to go on hrt
(more letters thrown together
as remedies to stop feeling)
.
i’m scared.
.
scared it’ll strip me ..
.
of my childlike innocence
of desire
.
that it’ll turn me all masculine
like the rest of them
or worse still
it’ll force me to forget you
so desired by other men at the moment
smelling freshness
wait, can they smell desire too?
i bet they can
oh no!
....men!!
i cover up
yet, they're everywhere
their eyes find me
they skim over my body like laser beams
.
sending out a fire that burns away all my childlike illusions
asking me to crawl back into my very own sacredness
fearing that, one day
(all of them combined)
will suck the smile
clean dry of my face
.
i hide in a locked room
run far away
and when there's nowhere left to run
.
i fall on the old wooden bed
and allow my eyes to settle
.
on the handmade morrocan carpet
with it's thousands of tiny, thin threads
all intricately woven together
holding something
so grand and beautiful
and comfortable and exciting
.
a smile forms
remembering carpets of the past
.
carpets that promised
sweet, magic carpet escapism
taking me back on the desire ride
...
releasing a bit long sigh..
i jump back onboard...
.
the call for your protection
your reassuring calmness
.
igniting the little spark
of that flame
once again
.
the flame for you
.
the flame that’s innocent
and english
that makes me a cup of tea
and tells me I look ‘cute’
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