this time.....

9 years ago today i stopped drinking

it was easter time (easter was late in 2017)

the day before my beautiful, very insightful and grounded,

littlest sisters birthday

.

the day after a huge argument with my beloved Daddy

.

the argument that I didn’t remember

the argument that sent me on a journey

.

reflecting on this time is when I find forgiveness to my ex husband

.

he stood beside me, not flinching that time, his encouragement, his support and his words supporting me and holding me steady every step of the way

.

his father was an alcoholic

maybe it was his inner child’s wounded mission to heal me,

who knows

.

if it was, he completed it ,

and I’lll always love him for that

.

you might have noticed that i haven’t written sober in my posts.

because i wasn’t …another habit kicked in and grew

.

grew and blossomed in my sweet escapism

like crawling, spreading ivy (my middle name)

my grandmother’s name

mother’s mother

.

quiet enough to listen,

i felt the pull,

ancestral woman’s healing,

down, down, down i went into her deepest roots

this herb took me on another journey

a journey of observation and expansion

.

down to the very core of our mother earth,

she had me sat there,

wallowing and watching for what felt like eternity

.

this time, jesus' efforts to calm and guide

fell short

.

perhaps time for my personal healing mission,

to heal the wounded feminine line in our family,

so my girls can be free of escapism

.

but now, 9 years later, it’s time to say goodbye again

.

after another big argument with my dad,

where the london/latino inner masculine ganster surfaced

.

this time, I remembered what was said,

this time, he apologised

this time, it’s different

.

this time, i’m not running off to africa,

this time, i’m doing it alone

.

this time, i’m accompanied by a very special playlist,

from a very special person

.

this time, i'll attempt to find my escapism in my writing and on my mat

.

in nature and in further exploration and observation

.

this time, my feet will be firmly rooted into our mother earth

.

this time……...